The Making of a Devotee

The Making of a Devotee… :)
I don’t know how and I don’t know when,.when did I start giving up my gigantic egos and began a new journey.A journey in Devotion,a journey in humble Surrender.It wasn’t like this before,surely not.I was one of those never-touch-down kinds,never the one to really call someone my Guru,I was my own Mentor.Me and bowing down in front of a white clad ‘Godman”? was simply unimaginable.(Later I came to know that Godman was the word used by the British to demoralize Indians,they never called their Pope a Godman !Only Indian sages were called so.From then on I have stopped using this word.).Anyways, Though I respected people with knowledge,I wasn’t going to say-You are my God!My Guru!My Saviour! and all that.
However,This guy was so intriguing that almost involuntarily always ,my ways led to Him.I would doubt each step that he would take,wondering what is he upto?Why is he talking like that?Why should he be so caring and why should he be answering my unasked and yet thought about questions?What was he to gain from me? And yet at other times certain other type of questions played on my mind, “Why did he seem so amazingly innocent and why did my eyes start watering just in His presence and why was it that I never needed him to speak,just with his not-of-this-earth Persona spoke a million words of comfort and a deep sense of knowing that He was there for me all along and Selflessly so.
Initially,I would never call him Guruji,I would call him Friend to save my ego.It seemed like I was testing his genuinity and authenticity like a sharp auditor.But everytime he would come out victorious,putting my doubts to grave.I know it would be difficult for some of you to relate to what I am saying,coz long back we stopped trusting people,we stopped trusting Love and Goodness.So had I.But with days and years that passed by,I grew more and more fond of Him and I would become a Child in His presence,innocent,pure and full of inexplicable joy-all this wasnt for the head,it happened from the heart.I would never understand the whys of this and slowly I stopped reasoning my joy,my happiness and stopped reasoning why was I coming back to my nature,coming back home.May be I was lucky enough.True,I do feel so immensely fortunate when I see people stuck in their intellect,they lose out on some Beautiful experiences.
It was like I was this little girl and there was this angelic presence that held her hand and helped her walk through the labyrinths of life,helping her overcome her weaknesses,strengthening her and just being with her when she feels weak,understanding her without her needing to even say and Loving and accepting her for whoever she is,for not just expecting but Believing in Her as She Grows…
He had amazing ways to bring me to realize I was going wrong,definitely one which was Not was to make me feel guilty.Words that earlier seemed too clichéd and dry,found new meaning for me,when he spoke them.He helped me discover,that I had gravely misunderstood my religion and others for that matter,like millions of us…and Oh,If only all of us knew what lay in these Beautiful religions,we wouldn’t have taken so much pride in being irreligious.He took me to the depth of it.Was I turning spiritual?Yes,I was.Initially I was apprehensive about this other side of mine coming to light,but soon I was to realize that if only there was anything,it was to be proud of.I started being proud of the knowledge that was given,I was proud that I meditated,that I was calm,that I did Pranayams and Sudarshan Kriya and if people were to find something to help them come out of their stresses,it could only be this.Why,shouldn’t I be proud of this knowledge which is so Ancient and yet so Aweinspiring?
This journey back from the head to the heart,is the journey we will all have to travel,now or later,whether we want to or not.With head we can chalk out plans to destroy,kill,make money using nonsensical means,but its only with heart that we can reach out to the other being,someone who is not showing it up,but somehow,somewhere needs you,needs your Love and needs your words to lighten up.